Wonderings

Has there ever been something that you haev tried at so hard and just couldnt do? Something that if you could do it then things in life would just fall into place and finally work? I hate that feeling. The feeling that you have failed at something when in the end you know you have every right to not let yourself succeed in what your trying. I know this doesnt make sense cuz well you dont know what I have tried to really not try to do. If that makes sense. I dont know. I just cant let myself do this one thing knowing that in the end I will just be hurt once again. Is it so bad to not want to feel the pain again? Is it so bad to wish that things could just change without this one thing? gr I give no one will understand this anyways. Its just a rambling from my head. I got it out now I feel a lil better I guess so its off to bed again. Hopefully to sleep this time!